Twitter Disclaimer

In light of the ongoing #TwitterJokeTrial, I thought I'd write a little (lengthy) disclaimer explaining my tweets.

This disclaimer applies to me (@DaveWishesHe) and anyone else who has linked to it stating that it also applies to them.

  1. All opinions expressed are my own.
    I am (of course) affiliated with a great many things. We all are, when you stop and think about it. HOWEVER, all of my tweets have come from my own brain / been plagiarised from someone else and the opinions expressed within them are not representative of any of the things that I may or may not be affiliated with. They may not even be representative of my own opinions.

  2. Some tweets may appear threatening.
    They aren't. I am not a violent person. In fact, I am incredibly placid. If you follow me, you will see that a little while ago I tweeted that someone's sneeze activated my fight-or-flight reflex. I then followed it up with a tweet explaining that, being a reasonable, calm and intelligent adult I actually only have a flight-or-flight reflex. This is true.

    Another example would be if I were to tweet "We're out of milk in the office. There are going to be #riots in Christchurch today." - This is not a threat, it is not an attempt to incite a riot, it is not a warning that I intend to run out into the street breaking shop windows and torching cars. It is a simple comment that without caffeine, I (and my co-workers) may get a little grumpy.

  3. Some tweets may be quotes.
    For example, while writing this, I am about to tweet "ANY OF YOU F*CKING PRICKS MOVE, AND I'LL EXECUTE EVERY MOTHER-F*CKING LAST ONE OF YOU.". This is a quote from a film (Pulp Fiction). In tweeting this I will be expressing that I love the film, and find this line to be fantastic (and an awesome way to start a film off). I by no means expect all my followers / anyone else who happens to read the tweet to suddenly freeze on the spot for fear of imminent death.

  4. Links, Photos & Other Media.
    Any links included in my tweets will normally be to third party sites. I am not responsible for the content of these sites (obviously). If you find the contents of the site offensive, talk to the web master, not me. Links could be anything. View with caution.

    Any photos included in my tweets will normally be mine. They could be anything. View with caution. Any photos included in my tweets that are not mine will be not mine. They could also be anything. View with caution.

    Any other media included in my tweets will normally not be mine. It could be anything. View with caution. Any media included in my tweets that does not fall into the category of "not mine", falls into the category of "mine". It could also be anything. View with caution.

  5. Retweets.
    I retweet stuff. Lots of people do. If I'm retweeting something, it's probably because I find it amusing, or interesting, or both. If you don't find it amusing or interesting, you're entitled to your opinion, but remember this - I don't care. The tweet is a retweet, not my tweet. Talk to the original tweeter. All of the other points within this disclaimer apply to retweets.

  6. Replies & Mentions.
    I reply to and mention people in tweets. Generally, a reply is meant for the person that I am replying to, not anyone else. Mentions have a wider intended audience. I want the mentionee to be aware of the tweet, but I also want to share it with my followers. All of the other points within this disclaimer apply to replies and mentions.

  7. Swearies.
    Yes. I swear. If you don't like it, sod off.

  8. Follow Friday.
    Follow Friday (#FF) is this thing on twitter where twitterers suggest to their followers who else they might like to follow. I occasionally participate in this tradition. Just because I #FF someone, it doesn't mean you have to follow them and it doesn't mean I necessarily agree with their tweets. I am not responsible for the tweets of anyone else. Obviously.

  9. ALL of my tweets may as well be jokes. Seriously.
    To cover anything else - please consider all of my tweets to be jokes, metaphors or similes. None of them are to be taken seriously.

If you're unhappy about any of this, or take offence at any of my tweets, kindly unfollow me. Or block me. Or both.

If you wish to reuse this disclaimer for yourself, please feel free to do so. If you wish to make changes to this disclaimer before reusing it, please feel free to do so. If you wish to link to this disclaimer with a message like "This disclaimer also applies to me", please feel free to do so. I'll even (maybe) give you a mention down here if you like (but you'll have to ask).

Feedback on this disclaimer is also welcomed! Feel free to tweet your opinions at me. I won't take offence.